


Jolly Roger

by kethni



Category: The Bill
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:17:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3237713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni





	Jolly Roger

**Warning: It’s pretty silly. Too silly maybe I dunno, I have bad judgement.**

 

 

Once there was a family. Well there have been lots of families of all kinds of descriptions, but our story starts with this particular family.

 

Kerry was the oldest, but she was a girl, and also very, very stupid. So nobody ever listened to anything she said, or paid her any heed. Perhaps if they had, then she wouldn’t have gone rushing away with the first person who looked vaguely interested in what she had to say.

 

The next was John. He didn’t listen to anyone unless they were agreeing with him, and he never listened to girls. Not even their Nurse, who was called June. But then June was a large St Bernard dog and did not offer much intelligent conversation.

 

The youngest was called Michael. Michael was very short, and accidentally made himself look smaller by his rather worrying obsession with wearing John’s clothes. He would ‘borrow’ these from John’s chest of drawers without permission. He never got permission because a) he was far too small to wear John’s clothes, and b) John didn’t share  _anything_ with  _anyone_.

 

By and large the family went along fairly happily, despite the frankly unlovable children and their largely absent parents: Desmond, who spent most of his time in prison; and Sheila, who thought nothing of rooting through her children’s belongings and spying on them.

 

Their mother is very worried.

 

“Who’s this boy that you keep mentioning?”

 

At the mention of a boy, any boy, Kerry’s eyes light up. Kerry was slightly cross-eyed, and an interesting ‘strobe’ effect was created when the light from her eyes reflected off the windows.

 

“What  _boy_?” John demands. John is a very rude child but, somehow, this does not stop girls from liking him, especially Claire who lives next door.

 

“This boy I hear you talking about in your sleep.”

 

“You listen to wot we say when we’re asleep?” Michael asks, peering up at her. “That’s a bit off, innit?”

 

“Only when Nurse June’s too drunk to watch you,” his mother says primly. “You keep talking about someone called Luke.”

 

“Oh,” John says distastefully. “You don’t want to worry your little head about him. He’s just a scally.”

 

 “He’s terribly bad, Mother,” Kerry says. “He’s rude, and a braggart and just  _bad_.”

 

“Wipe your chin, Kerry,” their mother says patiently. “You’re drooling all over the rug.”

 

“And ‘e got me in trouble wiv June,” Mickey complains. “She ‘ad a right go at me for not wiping my feet and it was ‘im.”

 

Kerry and John nod vigorously.

 

“Michael, don’t be ridiculous. How could he get you in trouble when he’s never been in the house?”

 

“But ‘e ‘as,” Michael whines. “He came last night.”

 

“Oh go and have a bath,” his mother snaps.

 

Michael scowls, and collects his bath towel. He mutters to himself as he stomps away.

 

“He does y’know,” John says carelessly.

 

“He sits on the end of my bed, and plays with his pipes,” Kerry says proudly.

 

“Are you  _sure_  that’s what he’s playing with?” John asks.

 

***

 

That night their mother drags Nurse June into the nursery.

 

“I want you to stay and keep an eye out for any… miscreants,” she orders.

 

June settles down and puts her head on her paws to wait.

 

By the time their mother is in bed, June is fast asleep.

 

***

 

The entire household is woken by June; barking, and barking, and barking.

 

Mother rushes into the children’s bedroom in time to see June chasing after a boy, zipping here and there. He flashes past Mother and out of the windows just as June closes her jaws around his leg. He is gone in an instant, but his shadow is left triumphantly in June’s jaws. 

 

“Oh dear,” says Mother. “The little bastard is sure to sue us for damages.”

 

***

 

The following night, when everyone is asleep, the window to the children’s bedroom is opened stealthily. A boy of perhaps six-and-twenty slips in through the window accompanied by a small light.

 

He is a very handsome lad, with large dark eyes, and silky skin. His apparel is made of leaves stitched together which cling to him like a vine. He roots through the chest of drawers, and the wardrobes, before finding his shadow where it has been hung out of the way.

 

Right at the very back of the closet.

 

The little light does a loop-de-loop of congratulations, and heads back to the window.

 

“No, no!”

 

The boy stamps his feet angrily.

 

The little light makes a chiming, questioning sound. This is the language of fairies, and from here will be translated.

 

In fact, what the little light had said, was, “Stop pissing about, and hurry up!”

 

“It won’t stick!”

 

The boy folds up on the floor and weeps lavish tears.

 

Kerry stirs and then sits up. The boy utterly ignores her, and continues to weep.

 

“Boy! Boy, why are you crying?”

 

“I can’t make it stick! Nothing works! And who are you calling ‘boy’?”

 

Kerry crawls to the bottom of the bed.

 

“What have you tried?”

 

“I pressed it hard,” he says with a pout. “And I tried a nail and a screw!”

 

“Really?” Kerry asks. “In my experience, a screw will fix anything.”

 

“It didn’t work,” Luke says scowling.

 

“My,” says the stupid and conceited Kerry in a condescending tone. “Aren’t you silly?”

 

“You fix it then!”

 

Kerry climbs out of bed, and fetches her sewing kit. She sits down near the boy who eyes her suspiciously.

 

“It needs to be stitched back on,” she says, throwing her hair out of her eyes. “Stick your foot out then, boy.”

 

He glares at her, but holds out his foot. Kerry threads the needle and stitches Luke’s shadow. Actually, just as soon as the first stitch was in place, the shadow affixed itself as if by magic!

 

“Hoorah! I’m so clever. See what I did, Cass? All by myself?” the boy crows.

 

“You did no such thing!” Kerry retorts. “I did it! And who’s Cass?”

 

“That’s Cass,” the boy says, pointing at the little light, which promptly flies right in front of Kerry’s nose and chimes. “She’s a fairy.”

 

“What’s it saying?”

 

“That you’re a big fat pig with a face like the backside of a sheep,” he says, distractedly looking around the room.

 

“Hey!” Kerry protests. “Make her take that back, or… or I’ll get my mum, and she’ll give you such a slap!”

 

“She takes it back because it was rude to sheep anyway. What’s your name?”

 

“Kerry,” she says and preens.

 

“I’m Luke!” he says proudly. “I’m the leader of the Lost Ones.”

 

“What’re those?”

 

“They’re the bravest of the brave! They fell deep into the stationary cupboard and never escaped! Now they live with me on The Island and have adventures!”

 

“Golly,” Kerry says wide-eyed. “Can we come with you and have adventures too?”

 

Cass buzzes around furiously, but Luke ignores her.

 

“Who’s we?”

 

“My brothers.” Kerry hits John and Mickey repeatedly with pillows until they wake up.

 

“Gerroff!”

 

“Go away!”

 

“Wake up!” Kerry hisses. “Luke’s here.”

 

The two boys drag themselves awake.

 

“You can come,” Luke says decisively, grabbing her by the wrist. “I need a girl.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Protection,” Luke mutters.

 

“Oh you mean you need looking after,” Kerry says patronisingly. “Boys do, you can’t look after yourselves.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“And my brothers?”

 

“Do we have to?” Luke says, rolling his eyes. “Oh well, if I get bored, we can always give them to the crocodile I suppose.”

 

And with that he throws magic dust on them, and pushes them out of the window.

 

***

 

They fly for a terribly long time and, just when they are sure they can’t fly any further, they reach the azure blue water surrounding The Island.

 

“What’s that?” John asks, looking down at a dark, silent ship a little way off shore.

 

“Pirates!” Luke spits. “I  _hate_  them! Let’s attack!”

 

Cass chimes loudly.

 

“Yes!” Luke insists. He starts to dive down towards the pirate ship.

 

“Can’t we talk about this?” Kerry wails.

 

“We ain't got swords or nuffin!” Michael protests.

 

“Don’t be such a pair of wusses,” John laughs.

 

Cass chimes loudly, flying around Luke as she desperately tries to keep in line of sight until she is little more than a ring of light.

 

Luke pulls up abruptly.

 

“Cass, you’re giving me a headache doing that,” he complains.

 

“Please can we get something to eat before we attack anywhere?” Kerry asks timidly.

 

“Oh all right!” Luke says petulantly. “We’ll get them next time.”

 

***

 

On the pirate ship, Mr Carl lowers the telescope. He is dressed, like the rest of the pirates: in black leather trousers, thigh high black leather boots, an open white silk shirt, and a black silk bandanna.

 

To keep out the sun, because it gets jolly hot out at sea you know.

 

“Looks like the runt changed his mind,” Mr Carl says with a shrug. “Shame, I wouldn’t have minded getting my hands on him.”

 

The Captain lounges in his chair and crosses his long, leather-clad legs.

 

“Plenty of time for that,” he says in a soft, lilting voice. “And he’s mine.”

 

“But…”

 

“Is that a problem for you?”

 

Mr Carl looks at the razor sharp sword now gently touching his belly.

 

“No, Captain Craig; he’s yours, absolutely.”

 

***

 

“I’m here!” Luke announces as they land in a little clearing in the forest.

 

Suddenly half a dozen people appear from behind bushes, and in one case, swing into view upside down and in a tree.

 

“Get down, Debbie,” Luke scolds.

 

“Ha! I’m not surprised you wanted me to come along…” Kerry sniffs, “…she acts like a boy.”

 

“What’s wrong with acting like a boy?” John demands.

 

“I’m ‘ungry,” Michael complains. “Can we get somfink to eat?”

 

They eat honey and bread in the clearing, in the little underground den, that the Lost Ones call home.

 

“Hey look, a ball!” Michael says, delighted with his find. “It’s nearly big enough for football!”

 

Alec sighs deeply, and pushes his glasses up his nose.

 

“We used to play football on the beach, but we can’t anymore.”

 

“Why not?” John demands.

 

“’Cos of the pirates,” Debbie says miserably.

 

“Don’t be  _silly_ ,” Kerry says patronisingly. “Play somewhere they can’t see you.”

 

“It’s not  _that_ ,” Alec says. “It’s because there’s not really enough of us to have a proper game.”

 

“Golly, have the pirates killed  _loads_  of you?” Kerry asks excitedly. “They sound really  _bad_.”

 

“Kerry, you’re drooling again,” John says distastefully.

 

“Pirates didn’t kill us,” Debbie says quietly.

 

“But that’s what pirates do!” Kerry states. “They attack people without warning.”

 

“These don’t,” Alex remarks. “They fight back when we attack them though.”

 

“So why don’t you have enuff people for a game of football?” Michael asks, screwing up one eye.

 

Debbie and Alec exchange looks, and then Alec lowers his voice.

 

“Because we’re not allowed to play with them anymore. Not football, or rounders, or anything!”

 

“You used to play  _games_  with the pirates!” Kerry asks loudly.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“What’s going on?” Luke demands, striding over.

 

“Nothing,” Debbie and Alec say together earnestly.

 

“Luke, they said that they used to play football on the beach with the pirates!” Kerry says, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

 

“Nobody plays with pirates!” Luke roars. “I hate them, do you hear me!”

 

“But we used to have such fun…” Alec’s voice trails off.

 

“Who’s the Captain here?” Luke snarls.

 

“You are,” the Lost Ones chime.

 

“Well I say pirates are wicked! And  _you_  are a spy!” Luke drags Alec to his feet. “You like pirates so much, you can be a pirate. I hope they lock you in the brig, or… or make you walk the plank.”

 

And with that he throws poor Alec out of the den.

 

“Anyone else want to argue?”

 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” John says seriously. “What if they are wicked? They’ll kill him.”

 

“Well don’t worry,” Luke sneers. “He’s got you to protect him.”

 

And with that, he grabs John and flies out of the den with him. Outside, he grabs poor Alec and flies them to the beach. He flies away laughing, leaving them there, in full sight of the pirate ship.

 

***

 

“Bring my bruver back!” Michael demands.

 

“Oh be quiet, Michael,” Kerry urges. “I’m sure Luke’s doing what he thinks is right,” she simpers.

 

“But the pirates!”

 

***

 

A shadow falls over John and Alec. They turn around to see a pert, auburn haired woman in tight leather trousers, thigh high boots, and a carefully slashed silk blouse.

 

“Phwoar,” says John.

 

“Alright, Alec,” she says, a little tensely. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Luke threw us out because I was saying how we used to play games with you and the other pirates.” Alec turns, and smiles nervously at a huge bear of a pirate behind him.

 

“Yeah, used to be fun that,” she remarks. “So, your chauvinist male pig of a friend that keeps staring at my breasts, has he got a name?”

 

“I’m John,” he says proudly. “And if you don’t want any blokes looking at them, then you should cover them up better.”

 

“Well, John,” she says wryly, “I’m Gemma, and if you knew the first thing about pirates then you’d realise how stupid your comments are.”

 

“What? You’re a pirate, you attack ships, right?”

 

Gemma snorts, and shakes her head.

 

“You’ll work it out. So do you two have food and shelter?”

 

“No, not yet, and it’s going to be dark soon,” Alec says tearfully.

 

“Don’t cry, you great pansy,” John remarks. “We can... yurk!”

 

The yurk is the noise generally made by a boy suddenly finding a female pirate holding a sword to a part of his anatomy that he holds very dear. And very often, come to that.

 

“You want to live, pig-boy, then you should learn to be  _polite_ ,” Gemma says mildly.

 

“Alright, alright!”

 

Gemma puts her sword away, and runs her fingers through her hair.

 

“Our sentries spotted the Croc before. She’ll be hungry, and in the dark she might mistake one of you for one of us.”

 

“It only eats pirates?” John asks.

 

“It hates pirates, bloody thing,” Gemma says with a sigh. “You better come with us. You can make a camp for yourselves tomorrow.”

 

“Golly, thanks Gemma,” Alec says sincerely.

 

“Hang on, with pirates?” John wails. “We won’t be safe!”

 

“Oh please,” Gemma says haughtily. “Look at you. You couldn’t pay them to touch you.”

 

***

 

Mr Sean glowers at them as they come aboard.

 

“No one told me we were taking prisoners,” he says pouting. “The brig’s not been swept, and that rum stain is still in the carpet. You never think of me when you do these things, do you?”

 

“They’re not prisoners,” Gemma says tiredly. “Calm down, Sean, you’re such a drama queen.”

 

“Yeah,” says John, “Calm down, calm down!”

 

“Well, well, well, bugger you then!” Mr Sean wails, and stomps back to the cabins.

 

Gemma merely rolls her eyes.

 

“Oi!” Mr Carl jumps down from the rigging. “The Captain wants to see you all.  _Now_!”

 

***

 

Captain Craig is up on deck. His long legs are stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle as he slowly polishes his sword.

 

“Sir,” Gemma says politely.

 

“Gemma,” he says mildly. “Are we capturing Lost Ones now? Do you think that wise?”

 

“Scally threw us out!” John says angrily.

 

Captain Craig raises an eyebrow.

 

“Luke threw me out for telling the girl that we used to play football on the beach with you,” Alec says wistfully. “And then when John said he shouldn’t have, he threw him out too.”

 

“Girl?” Captain Craig asks.

 

“My sister,” John explains. “She’s as thick as anything, but Luke seems to like her. At least enough to bring her and us all the way from Blighty.”

 

“Luke would,” Captain Craig says, sliding the sword into its scabbard. “So he threw you out with no food and shelter, just before dark, and with the cock-a-doodle-croc around,” Captain Craig rolls his eyes. “And he calls us the bad guys.”

 

“The what?” John asks, barely keeping the snigger from his voice.

 

“Cock,” Captain Craig says in an exaggeratedly clear voice, “a doodle crocodile.”

 

“Why’s it called that then?”

 

“It ate a cock,” Gemma says helpfully.

 

John stares at her, bug-eyed.

 

“Not like that,” Alec says mildly.

 

“What then?”

 

You’ll see,” Captain Craig says, putting his hands behind his head. “Soon enough.”

 

***

 

“Oh dear, oh dear,” Kerry says, shaking her head. “This isn’t good enough. You have to have a bath before you go to bed.”

 

“I’ve been swimming in the lagoon all day,” Barry complains. “I’m as clean as I get!”

 

“Well I’m the girl, and I say you have to!” Kerry stamps her foot. “Do as I say!”

 

“Bossy cow, isn’t she?” Debbie remarks to Michael.

 

“Ignore her,” Michael suggests. “We always do.”

 

“Shut up!” Luke snaps at Kerry. “We want to have fun and play, and you’re stopping us.”

 

“You can’t play,” Kerry says prissily. “You’re the dad now, so you don’t get to play.”

 

“Yes I do!”

 

“No you don’t! There are rules, if you don’t play by the rules, then you’re…” Kerry searches for something sufficiently terrible. “Then you’re a pirate.”

 

“I’m not a pirate!” Luke bellows. He flies across the room, and stands nose to nose with her. “I’m not a pirate! Take that back! Who told you I was a pirate? It was Captain Craig, wasn’t it? I hate him! I hate all pirates, death to them all!”

 

The room is quiet as everyone stares at him.

 

Cass, unheard and unnoticed, shakes her head and makes a chiming sound.

 

What she said was, “Fucking hell, Luke, bit too much over reaction there?”

 

***

 

John wakes up in the dark cabin.

 

“Cock-a-doodle-doo!”

 

He gets dressed, and walks out on to deck.

 

Gemma and a blonde pirate are snogging happily in the early morning sunlight.

 

“Sorry,” John apologises when they turn and glare at him. “I was wondering what the noise was.”

 

“Oh, the Croc,” Gemma says, and points over the side of the ship. “Down there, but be careful.”

 

John peers over the rail and down at the water. Then he stares in astonishment.

 

“There’s a crocodile down there with a cigarette!”

 

“That’s the cock-a-doodle-croc,” Gemma says with a shrug.

 

The crocodile opens its jaws wide, and a red cockerel inside its mouth launches into ‘cock-a-doodle-do’.

 

“There’s a chicken in its mouth!”

 

“A cock,” the blonde pirate says. “A male chicken, you know?”

 

“Oh,” says John. “Why’s it got a cock in its mouth? And a cigarette? And what’s it doing there?”

 

“Why don’t you ask it?” the blonde pirate says snippily. “Come on, Gemma; let’s take this somewhere more private!”

 

John shrugs, and looks down at the crocodile again, only to find that it is now swigging from a hip flash.

 

“’Scuse me!”

 

The crocodile smiles widely, showing hundreds of sharp teeth.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Oh, you’re a lady crocodile?”

 

“Indeed I am, sunny Jim.”

 

“John, actually.”

 

“Gina; they all call me cock-a-doodle-croc, but my name’s Gina,” she says winningly.

 

“Right,” John says, not really listening, “Why’s there a cock in your mouth?”

 

“I like the taste.”

 

John blinks, and presses on.

 

“Why are you smoking a cigarette, and drinking from a hip flask?”

 

“I left my cigarillos at home,” she says, with a sort of crocodile shrug. “And bottles of whiskey tend to get broken when I swim fast.”

 

“Well, that’s… logical,” John says, scratching his head. “So, why are you here?”

 

“I want to talk to Captain Craig, but he won’t have anything to do with me,” she says, shedding the famous crocodile tears.

 

“Why would he want to talk to you when you eat pirates?”

 

“I like pirates,” she says with another large grin, utterly forgetting the tears of a moment ago.

 

“Then why do you eat them?”

 

“That’s how I show people that I like them.”

 

“By killing them?” John asks incredulously.

 

“If they won’t be my friend, and pirates never will, then I don’t want them being friends with anyone else. So I kill them and eat them, and they’re mine forever. ”

 

“Oh, you’re a really twisted bitch, aren’t you?” John says cheerfully, and returns to his cabin.

 

***

 

In the morning the Lost Ones go for a walk on the beach.

 

“John!” Michael calls. He runs ahead of the others. “John, John, where are you?”

 

“The croc probably ate him,” Debbie says gloomily.

 

“Well it’s his own fault for never washing behind his ears,” Kerry says primly. “I told him, and told him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

 

“Who cares about stupid John!” Luke soars into the air. “Forget about him, he’s dead and boring, and gone.”

 

“No he’s not,” croaks a female voice from behind a tree.

 

Michael tentatively looks around the tree, and then screams.

 

“Crocodile! Help!”

 

The Lost Ones shriek, and run around in aimless circles.

 

“Don’t let it eat me! Don’t eat me!” they chant.

 

Luke pulls out his sword, and lands in front of the cock-a-doodle-croc.

 

“Go and eat pirates, Croc! It’s all you’re good for!”

 

The Croc takes a deep drag on her cigarette.

 

“Little boy, you’d do well not to antagonise me. I can bend that sword like it’s made of rubber, and then bite your face off.”

 

Luke hurriedly takes a step back, glaring at the Lost Ones as if daring them to say anything.

 

“What did the horrible monster say about John?” Kerry asks, hiding behind Luke and pouting.

 

“Watch it, blondie.”

 

“Did you say something about John?” Luke asks, very politely.

 

“A ginger nut kid on the pirate ship told me his name was John.”

 

“Pirates!” Kerry squeals. “Pirates have my favourite brother!”

 

“Oi!” Michael protests, still hiding behind a tree.

 

“You’re blonde, that one’s kind of mousy, and the one on the ship’s a redhead. Change milkmen a lot, do you?”

 

“Shut up, stupid Crocodile!” Kerry snaps. “I’m not afraid of you, Luke will protect me. He could kill you with one arm tied behind his back!”

 

“Shut up, you stupid bitch!” Luke hisses.

 

“Could he really?” Gina the Crocodile purrs. “Wanna try?”

 

“No!” Luke squeaks. “I… I have to go and rescue John! That’s what I have to do.”

 

***

 

John finds breakfast on the pirate ship is a very different affair from breakfast at home. Elbows on the tables, talking and laughing with their mouths full, and generally having a fine old time.

 

“This is much better than breakfast at home,” John says happily. “Can you pass me the goats cheese, and the sun dried tomatoes please?”

 

“Beats living on fruit,” Alec agrees. “We used to share food before…”

 

“What happened? Why’d the pirates and the Lost Ones fall out?”

 

Captain Craig slams a hand down on the table, and everyone jumps.

 

“That is not a fit topic for conversation,” he says in a soft, but menacing voice.

 

“I don’t know anyway!” Alec babbles. “Honest.”

 

“I’m not being funny,” John says with a shrug. “But it’s a bloody weird do when the pirates treat visitors better than the Lost Ones.”

 

“Ha!” Gemma snorts. “That’s because nobody ever asks  _us_  what we do or how we act. The Lost Ones tell all sorts of stories, and people believe them! They tell the Indians on the other islands, and they tell other people. It goes on and on, and every time someone tells the story it gets worse!”

 

“That’s enough,” Captain Craig says.

 

“Well, when are you going to do something about it? If everyone thinks we’re these monsters, then sooner or later they’ll attack us,” Mr Sean sneers from the end of the table.

 

“Are you questioning me?” Captain Craig growls. His dark eyes seem to glow with anger.

 

“No, Captain,” Mr Sean says in a tiny voice.

 

“’Ere you might get your chance,” Mr Carl says, lounging against the doorway. “The runt and his mob are coming this way.”

 

“How long before they get here do you think?” Captain Craig asks crisply.

 

“At least twenty minutes. They mustn’t have enough magic dust for them all to fly. They’re in a rowboat. They keep fighting over who has to row. There’s some blonde bimbo with them that’s fallen into the water three times, and I’d swear at least once Luke pushed her in on purpose.”

 

“Don’t blame him,” John mutters.

 

***

 

It is eerily quiet as the rowboat approaches the pirate ship.

 

Kerry is glowering as water drips off her slowly.

 

The rowboat bounces gently off the hull of the ship.

 

“Don’t ram into it!” Kerry orders.

 

Luke gives her A Look, and then carefully ties the rowboat up, and begins climbing up onto the ship.

 

“Luke!” Kerry hisses as they jump down onto the deck.

 

“Shush!”

 

“But it’s late morning! Why aren’t they awake?” Kerry asks.

 

And that is when three burly pirates drop down from the rigging.

 

The Lost Ones whirl about with their swords as Kerry stands and screams, while Luke pushes his way through them towards the Captain’s cabin.

 

***

 

Luke steps into the darkened cabin. There is a flare as Captain Craig lights candles slowly. Luke stands in the doorway. He is torn between walking further into the cabin, or backing out.

 

“Come out here,” Luke says in a shaky voice.

 

“Come in here,” Craig suggests softly.

 

Luke looks around to see if anyone is looking as the fighting rages on. Then he steps further into the room. He raises his sword uncertainly as Craig waits at the other end of the cabin.

 

“You’ve come all this way to fight?” Craig asks, drawing his own sword but not raising it.

 

“Shut up! Don’t talk to me!” Luke yells. He raises his sword, and moves closer. “Just… just don’t say anything!”

 

“Or what?” Craig asks, “You’ll try to kill me? Oh wait, that’s what you’re doing.”

 

Luke swipes angrily at Craig with his sword. Craig blocks it easily.

 

“Clumsy Luke, you shouldn’t fight when you’re angry, you haven’t the self control.”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“What?”

 

Another exchange of blows, and Luke is being herded further into the corner of the room.

 

“Don’t talk to me like you know me,” Luke says quietly.

 

“No, because I’m utterly evil, and I couldn’t possibly know anything about a nice person like you,” Craig sneers. 

 

“You don’t know me.” Luke makes a half-hearted jab with his sword, but a neat movement from Craig sends Luke’s sword flying from his hand and crashing to the floor by Craig.

 

“I know you’re a better swordsman than this.” Craig wedges his toe in the hilt of Luke’s sword and tosses it so that it lands a foot or so from Luke. “Go on then, pick it up.”

 

Luke cautiously watches Craig as he picks up his sword.

 

“What did you do that for?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“You could’ve killed me then,” Luke says, his sword clattering lightly against Craig’s.

 

“When did  _I_  ever say I wanted to kill  _you_?” Craig asks.

 

Craig’s sword slips under Luke’s and Luke tries to flick it away, but instead the two of them end up mere inches apart as they try to free themselves.

 

“You did that on purpose!” Luke hisses.

 

“Yes, you’re right. Everything is always my fault,” Craig sneers. “You don’t have any responsibility for anything you say or do.”

 

Luke shoves him back violently as they free their swords.

 

“This ends here,” he says hotly. “One way or the other.”

 

“If you say so,” Craig says quietly.

 

Luke storms forward with his sword raised.

 

Craig throws his sword onto the floor.

 

Luke halts, barely a foot away, with his sword upraised.

 

“What are you doing?” Luke asks in a panicky voice. “Pick it up!”

 

Craig puts his palm on the flat of Luke’s sword. He guides it gently so that it presses lightly on his chest.

 

“Go on,” he says mildly. “I think that’s the right place. Finish off the job.”

 

“Don’t be stupid,” Luke says, in a voice tight with fear.

 

“You want to kill me. You’ve said it so many times I’ve lost count. Do it. Run me through. Show them outside that you’re  _really_  one of them,” Craig says in a soft, mocking tone.

 

“I am!” Luke bellows. He takes a step back, and simultaneously raises his sword threateningly like a club. “I’m not a pirate, I won’t be!”

 

“I never said you were.” Craig takes a step closer. “I never tried to make you.”

 

“You did,” Luke says quietly. “You made me… feel things. Pirate things.”

 

“You can be whatever you want, Luke.” Craig gently pulls the sword from Luke’s unresisting fingers and puts it to one side. “No one will make you do anything you don’t want to.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Luke says quietly. “It’s such a mess.”

 

Craig tentatively touches Luke’s waist. Luke moves forward, wrapping his arms around Craig’s waist, and burying his face in Craig’s chest. Craig strokes his fingers through Luke’s hair.

 

“They’re still fighting,” Craig says carefully as if frightened of scaring Luke away. “We should get them to stop.”

 

“Truce,” Luke says, looking up at Craig. “Of course it might take you and I a little while to fully come to terms.”

 

“Might it?” Craig asks blankly.

 

Luke looks over at Craig’s bed meaningfully.

 

“We’d have to be alone to negotiate,” he says softly.

 

“A very good point.”

 

***

 

“You can’t be a pirate, girls can’t be pirates!” Kerry insists, stamping her foot for added emphasis.

 

“Excuse me, Queen Victoria,” Gemma sneers, “but I can be whatever I please.”

 

“But, but girls are good and neat and look after the boys.”

 

“You don’t look after us,” Michael protests.

 

“Look love, if you’re idiot enough to run around cooking and cleaning for blokes, then that’s your look out,” Gemma remarks. “Just don’t be surprised if they treat you like a skivvy when that’s how you choose to act.”

 

Kerry’s lip wobbles threateningly.

 

“If girls don’t look after boys and tell them how to behave, then how would anything get done?”

 

Gemma and Michael both roll their eyes.

 

“Anything important will get done. Get a life, girl,” Gemma suggests. “And bugger off back to where you came from. You’re really getting on my wick.”

 

“Luke!” Kerry shrieks. “This  _pirate_  is being rude to me!”

 

“Don’t bother,” Debbie says cheerfully. “The only way you’ll get him to come out of the cabin is if you set the boat on fire.”

 

“ _Ship_ ,” Gemma corrects mildly.

 

“Actually I wouldn’t mind going home,” John remarks. “I’m supposed to be doing an English lit assignment with Claire tomorrow.”

 

“Ooh,” Michael mocks, “John and Claire, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

 

Cass makes a loud chiming sound.

 

“What did that nasty little glow worm say?” Kerry asks.

 

“She said she’ll be glad to take you all home,” Gemma translates. “Because, although she doesn’t mind John and Michael, she’s pig sick of you.”

 

“Well I never!” Kerry says, shocked.

 

John and Michael exchange a look, and then they wrestle Kerry to the ground. Michael sits on her as John ties her hands behind her, ties her ankles together, and gags her.

 

“Do I even want to know?” Gemma asks.

 

“It’s a long way back,” John explains. “I don’t thing we could stick it with her yacking all the way.”

 

Cass quickly covers them in magic dust, and the two boys grab Kerry as they fly into the air.

 

“Say goodbye to Luke for us!” Michael says.

 

“If he ever leaves the cabin!” John adds.

 

***

 

Luke and Craig are trying to undress, but are being hindered by their inability to stop kissing.

 

“Did you hear something?” Luke murmurs.

 

“Mmm, your three visitors going home I think.” Craig removes the last of Luke’s clothing.

 

“Good, they were driving me mad.”

 

“Shush,” Craig suggests.

 

Craig kisses all the little scars on Luke’s body slowly, working right down to his feet, and then he stands up. He takes Luke’s hand and leads him over to the bed. He moves aside the skins and furs so that Luke can lie on the silk covering.

 

“It’s cold,” Luke says, smiling.

 

“I’ll warm you,” Craig promises, his voice is a soft purr.

 

Luke slips his arms around Craig’s shoulders as they kiss. He can feel the powerful muscles moving as Craig strokes his hands across Luke’s chest. Luke walks his fingers down and across Craig’s back.

 

“You’re so strong,” Luke murmurs.

 

“I won’t hurt you.”

 

“You could’ve taken me any time you wanted. I wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

 

“I’d never do that,” Craig assures him as he moves his face to Luke’s neck.

 

“All the times I was in the den on my own. Thinking about you, but not wanting to.”

 

“It’s alright, we’re alright.”

 

Craig moves down to Luke’s belly, kissing and biting gently. Luke rubs his fingers though Craig’s hair.

 

“You’ll have to show me. How to do this so you’ll like it,” Luke says softly, his face glowing slightly.

 

“There’s plenty of time, all the time in the world.”

 

Craig smiles up at Luke, and begins kissing his thighs and groin. Luke bites his lip as Craig teases him, a kiss here, a little bite there. Luke closes his eyes, and Craig takes him inside his mouth.

 

Luke’s head is tipped back, his eyes closed, and his mouth open as he murmurs meaninglessly. His fingers are white as they grip the silk sheet.

 

It seems like a lifetime to him and a heartbeat to Craig. Then his body is relaxing and he is smiling.

 

At some point Luke will want to return the favour, and Craig will show him how. Then they’ll sleep for a while, and eventually will get out of bed, yawning and stretching. They’ll get dressed, and go out on deck where the assembled pirates will cheer and tease them.

 

Then everything will go on.

 

Luke will sometimes stay with Craig, and Craig with Luke, until eventually they will decide to live in a little hut on the beach.

 

But that’s the ‘happy ever after’ part. Right now they lie in bed, drinking white wine, just being together, warm and tranquil.

 

The End

 

 

 


End file.
